


An odd hobby

by DmitriMolotov



Series: The Fakes One-shots and Prompts [3]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, GTA AU, Gore, Immortal Fake AH Crew, One Shot, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 03:18:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7026388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DmitriMolotov/pseuds/DmitriMolotov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the discovery that the Fake AH Crew are apparently immortal, Ryan develops an odd hobby.<br/>I mean… odder than his usual hobbies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An odd hobby

**Author's Note:**

> Another prompt from @RTficwriternetwork: "How's the not dying going?"

“Any last words?” Michael asked, pressing the gun to Ryan’s temple.

Ryan drew a sharp breath, steeled himself and snapped back, “Bet you don’t have it in you.”

“Lamest last words ever, dude,” He replied with a smirk, “and totally not true.”

He pulled the trigger and bullet cracked through Ryan’s skull, tearing through the fragile brain tissue like it was jelly and leaving an exit wound the size of a baseball gaping on the other side of his head as his body slumped forward. Ryan was dead instantly.

Michael was lightly spattered with blood and brain matter, but the opposite wall was covered in it. The smell was foul and Michael wrinkled his nose at it. It seemed to linger.

Gavin walked into the room to investigate the shot and was immediately confronted with the image of Michael, casually wiping his pistol clean with the corner of his shirt, Ryan sprawled on the floor dead at is feet and the Pollock-like blood, brain and bone fragments splattered on the wall.

Gavin gagged, suppressed the urge to vomit twice and spun around so he wouldn’t have to look at it. “Michael! What the hell?!” He squawked, “You killed Ryan!”

“He was asking for it…”

“It’s Ryan! Of course he was asking for it…”

“No, Gav, he was  _literally_  asking for it! He  _literally_  asked me to shoot him in the head.”

Gavin looked perplexed, “why would anyone…?”

Michael shrugged, “I don’t know man. He’s trying out all this weird shit since he first died. I figured I’d help him out.”

Ryan stirred. It looked like his head was more or less back in one piece.

“How was that Ryan?” Michael asked.

Ryan groaned and rubbed his temple where the bullet had entered not a few minutes earlier. “Ow.”

“No shit eh?” Michael smirked, shaking his head. “I told you it wasn’t fun.”

Gavin’s eyes were still wide, “Ryan, why the hell would you  _want_  to be shot in the head?”

Gavin was no stranger to dying himself, but couldn’t fathom why anyone would voluntarily get shot in the head.

Ryan shrugged, picking himself up off the ground and scowling at the mess on his shirt, “curiosity, I suppose. Y’know, why not?” He noticed the mess on the wall and wrinkled his nose at the thought of having to clean it up.

“ _Why not_?!” Gavin scoffed, “You’re a bloody lunatic!”

Michael stretched, cracking his back, “Anything else you wanna try Rye-Bread?”

“What if you slit my throat?” He replied without much hesitation.

Gavin cringed, “That’s it, I’m leaving. I can’t…” He gagged a little at the thought, “I can’t deal with this.”

Michael giggled at Gavin’s response before looking back at Ryan with one eyebrow raised, “Seriously? Or was that just to get rid of Gavin? Because that’d make a huge fucking mess.”

Ryan thought for a moment, “Yeah, I guess… I have been curious about how decapitation would work though.”

Michael frowned, “Yeah, I don’t know how I feel about that. Cutting someone’s head off isn’t something I really wanna try.” He shook his head slightly, “I think you might have to get someone else to do that one… Maybe Lil J?”

Ryan grinned, “I feel like you’re wasting an opportunity man.”

Michael shook his head, “Nah, I’m good… What about drowning? Have you drowned yet?”

“I have not,” Ryan replied with an intrigued crooked smile, “wanna give that a shot?”

 

Ryan left a cryptic note on the kitchen counter for the others.

  _Gone not dying, back for dinner._

_\- Ryan and Michael <3_

* * *

Drowning, Ryan decided, was one of the more unpleasant experiences he’d had, and he understood why Jeremy had such a fear of being trapped underwater. Trying to clear the putrid water from his lungs afterwards had been painful and the hypothermia that settled in later wasn’t great either. The fact that they ended up tying Ryan’s hands behind his back to stop him from instinctively swimming to the surface had made it look real suspicious when Michael hauled his body from the Vespucci canals. Overall the experience had been neither easy, nor fun. 

They sat by the canals, watching the sunset while Ryan recovered. He was still shaking and spluttering, rubbing his wrists from where the rope had bitten in from struggling and waited for the restorative powers of the respawn to take effect.

Michael’s phone buzzed and he checked the screen and quickly answered. “Geoff, what’s up?”

“How’s the 'not dying' going?” Geoff asked, sounding intrigued to know what that actually entailed.

Michael frowned at Ryan, still shaking next to him and took off his jacket to drape over his shoulders. “Yeah, not great. Ryan just found out the hard way that drowning sucks a bag of dicks. Can’t say it was a great experience for me either.”

“Jesus,  _that’s_  what you meant by not dying? That’s the opposite of not dying! That’s dying! You should have written ‘gone dying’!” Geoff ranted with a kind of exaggerated anger at them, “Tell Ryan if he wants to die, he should come home now and I’ll gladly kill him.”

Michael hummed a giggle and cocked his head sideways at Ryan, who looked like he’d now mostly recovered and was squeezing the excess water from his hair.

Despite what they’d just been through, Ryan raised an eyebrow and grinned, having some idea what may have just been suggested.

“You know what Geoff?” Michael said with a smirk, “he might just be up for that.”

**Author's Note:**

> This might have to become its own mini-series...
> 
> Come hang out on [Tumblr](https://dmitrimolotov.tumblr.com/), I post stuff sometimes!


End file.
